Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
