three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You don't make any sense
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