My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
