It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
