girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
