oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
