I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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