Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
