A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
