I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
