Can i not drive my cunt home
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have fence marks all over my body
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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