The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
