The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
