At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
