genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
