that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
