I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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