i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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