Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
