Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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