And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
