Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
