in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
