i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
