I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
