I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
