u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
