I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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