I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
