I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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