I can text with my tongue
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
