is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
