never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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