wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
