just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
