He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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