He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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