She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
