pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
