i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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