Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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