How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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