Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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