remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize