Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
