Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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