Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
