We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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