So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
