Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
