i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
