I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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