I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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