the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
