I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
