i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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