You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
