Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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