I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize