whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
