I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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