the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
