so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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