It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
