Christians are straight up FREAKS
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
